I'm Done Being Parented.

Jill Skulina
Feb 19
3 min read

Today I’ve been thinking about what I am done with, the words came to me clear and crisp. Being parented. Not necessarily from my parents (although that is there too.) I have long term friends who I feel have been jumping into parenting/judgement mode rather than supportive and free with the hugs and tissues. Whether that judgment comes from others or from the little committee in my own head. I’m done bending myself to fit imagined expectations, or contorting my dreams so they look tidy on paper. My dreams are currently stacked in a big pile of “what the fucks” and “I dunnos”. I have no clue what this next life stage is going to look like and I feel the judgement for that. I’m moving forward with faith in my own intuition, not standard practice in this world. I know I can weather whatever comes next, good or bad. I’ve already got through some really shit life events, worked through the traumas as best I can and reached stages where the working through turns into action over reflection.

I’m done with

invisible permission-seeking
explaining my choices to imagined panels
bending plans so they look sensible to people who aren’t living my life
internalised gatekeepers (institutions, art world elders, family systems)

And my favourites. Done.

performing resilience instead of being supported
contorting my life to fit structures that never planned for artists like me
proving seriousness through suffering
carrying futures that were designed by a 15-year-old version of me

And finally I’m done circling the same question from different angles, in particular the question of how to live in the world as an artist and not be on the brink of poverty every week. For now I’m being creative in a way that supports my needs, currently that’s knitting mittens on repeat, next week it may be drawing or creating sketchbooks of previous drawings or artwork ideas. Who knows. I don’t need to share/sell/monetise/promote/market any of these things, they’re just for me. I’m laying down my ‘look at me’ sword and taking a nap on being an artist in the art world realm. I may or may not pick it back up again when I've reset and have a better understanding of what I want from it all.

What I’m mostly curious about now are the conversations I want to step into: the messy, complicated, exciting ones that don’t have tidy endings or pre-approved scripts.

The questions I’m asking myself and want to explore with others, include

How do we choose to live when the old rules no longer fit?
What does enough look like? Space? Money? Recognition?
When survival is no longer the measure of success?
How do we navigate desire, joy, creativity and naps without guilt, apology or justification?
How do we hold all the uncertainty and change without shrinking?

I’ve spent the last 3 years moving houses, negotiating studios, and rearranging my life to fit visions that sometimes weren’t mine. And I’ve learned something: the limbo, the waiting, the half-hearted steps are signposts I need to trust. They tell me what I’m ready to let go of, and what I truly want to hold close. The studio is a prime example; I had big plans for that place but they never made it into the real world. I didn’t take any real actions to move forward, using lack of funds as an excuse. If I'd really wanted to, I would have (that said, funds were an issue).

So here I am on the brink of my studio sale, stepping into a new chapter, not fully mapped, not fully safe, but entirely mine. I want to end this post by asking: what are you done with? And what conversations do you want to have next?